You consistently take on issues that are so important, and you do it with such eloquence it is incredible. Thank you for all of this. I have been through this all, yet it is hard to talk about because of the backlash. I have lipedema, which means even healthy, I am a fat person by American standards. But doing what my body needs mediates enormous pain and progression of the chronic pain and body dysfunction that I already have, and that will never go away.
Wonderful honesty. I also have such complex feelings about my size, health, fatness… and it seems like any opinion or preference offends *someone*. Thank you for the very relatable view into your experience.
Thank you for writing this. I feel like I could have written something extremely similar even though I'm in a very different body from yours - I love myself but not the sensation of my body with abdominal fat pressing skin against skin, my knees complaining when I try to do too much in a day, my barbell scraping against a protruding belly when I do a weightlifting workout. I get *exactly* where you're coming from on food being the replacement for other addictions and a source of short-term comfort and long-term pain. This is an essay that could have been about me, and I'm sure you're touching a lot of hearts by putting it out there.
I'm grateful for your photos, because I went through the thought process of looking at both the beauty and empathizing with how you look at yourself, the things you want to change... and it's really difficult to try to strike a balance between acceptance and a desire for self-improvement. I think you deserve validation for what you're doing for yourself, and progress photos are a way of finding that for some.
This wouldn't be an issue if you were doing something for yourself in another sphere, like furthering your education for instance - even though not everybody wants or needs more school, and education is a privilege that not everyone can access, and some people do it for the wrong reasons or stress themselves out by overloading themselves, there's not such a deep insecurity about making a choice to do so. We don't say "I'm getting another degree, you should too or else you're lazy/unfit/whatever judgemental word." We also don't say "stop posting about how your studies are going, you'll give people with a high school diploma anxiety." I'm not sure how far I can work the analogy, but maybe it resonates a bit with someone.
Really, I just want to thank you for this awesome essay and for sharing all of this with us - you've gotten me thinking about my own self-perceptions and internalized issues.
I feel the same - I want to love my body no matter what size and shape it is, but there are things I want to be able to do, and clothes I want to fit in. I believe that everyone should be valued as they are, but wanting change isn't necessarily bad! It often feels risky to say what you really think (even just for yourself) in some of those "accepting" spaces. Thank you for your courage to write what you wrote, and blessings to you as you recover your endurance and a less pain-filled body!
Yes yes Y-E-S! You have hit the nuanced nail right on the nose with this one. I have been wading through similar feelings around my weight as it affects my health & my motivations for wanting to lose some of it. Reality is a bigger body is more uncomfortable body for me. I have lifelong chronic joint issues and digestive problems as it is and these (already huge) boobs getting bigger and heavier and putting so much pressure on my guts is causing active pain and harm. I work hard to welcome and appreciate the beauty I see in myself, but I'm not gonna apologize to anyone for what I choose to do with my body. I also don't wanna hurt anyone or spread fatphobia. It's not like that. It's messy. Thank you so much for sharing so openly and vulnerably. It's good to know I'm not alone. You're not alone. Grateful for your words and thoughts and your courage to share them. That's no small feat. There is nuance here. And at the end of the day, dammit, it's your body it's your choice....mine, too.
I always appreciate how you speak from a place that feels right and true for you, which almost always is from that gray inbetween of nuance instead of polarized simplicity like so many others performatively speak from. Because it’s real and honest that it’s complex. Personally I don’t think it’s toxic to want to be healthy when you know you’re not. And no one but you can know because every body is different and there is no universal measurement of health. But I also don’t think there’s a human being out there who isn’t influenced just a little bit by vanity and outside images of what looks good, me included. But that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t pursue our own health. To me though because health is so personal I don’t see the need to share it in a public way outside of very close friends who I know won’t be triggered by it. But I also feel like if you are someone who wants to share it, that is your right as well, especially on your own platforms and accounts. They’ll always be unhealed people looking for any excuse to tear you down, but I hope it doesn’t stop you from doing what you know is right for you and sharing that experience if you want to.
As someone who recently put effort into being healthier by eating less sugar, and working on my posture that was very off, I don’t feel bad for losing weight and looking better as a result, but at the same time because I took a loving approach to achieving this health, those things are merely byproducts and what I appreciate the most about giving myself this gift of love is how my body hurts less, my stomach doesn’t feel a dull pain more often than not, I have more energy and stamina which makes walking around the block and dancing easier so that I can do it for longer without straining myself. So yeah it’s complicated, but feeling better in your body is a worthwhile thing to pursue and isn’t inherently good or bad. It all depends on how you go about it and for what reasons, but only you can know, and any outside input is projection at best.
Captured exactly how I feel! Your writing is such a pleasure to read. Whether it’s your powerful discussions about intersectionality, or your words in this post (and everything in between), I’m always thoroughly engaged.
Thanks for choosing to share so much of yourself through your words.
So, people are now actually discouraging weightloss, saying you should be happy with the weight you are. That is kind of messed up. A waaay overreaction to the age of "you must be thin to be attractive."
One thing I learned at 25 when I was finally able to lose 20 pounds and keep it off... I needed to love myself. Not the excess fat, but the me under it all. My overeating came from selfloathing and created a vicious cycle.
I've lost weight in the same way, two more times in the course of my life. And I know I can do it. The confidence that brings! I now truly have a choise. I can say, I want this soft body now because I'm comfortable with it. Or I can decide that its time to curb down the fat and start a new phase of my life. At 50, I radically changed my diet to one with very little processed sugar or gluten. Oh the joy of seeing the stubborn fat melt away and be able to wear the clothes I wore at 25😆 It gave me the will to start a simple exercise regimen, and give myself other goals like flexibility.
Working to sculpt yourself into the image you have of the inner you is a way to honor your body and stop abusing it to temporarily sooth your pain. But obviously it is important to love your body type as it is, whether it be short, tall, curvy or sinewy. There are things that cannot be changed, that make you unique. There are things you can choose to change, for your health, physical and mental.
Go for it! I for one am looking forward to the pics!You can do this💪💪💪
Reading this, I felt like you were speaking my truth, in addition to your own. I, too, struggle with my weight, feeling positive about my body, and fielding comments from others about my feelings about my weight and my body.
Self worth and self love is so complex, and dealing with outside influences just adds to the confusion.
Do I think you're beautiful? Absolutely!! Do I also completely understand what you're saying here? 💯 You have to be comfortable in your own skin, and at the level of health you need to be. No one else gets to decide that for you.
This is everything I feel. My body isn't healthy, and it's not happy. I have health issues I didn't have before. It struggles when it didn't before. Yes, I want to look in the mirror and be comfortable with myself looking back at me. Yes, I want to walk up the stairs and not be out of breath. I don't hate myself or my body, and I also want better for myself and my body. And that's okay. Thank you for sharing this.
You consistently take on issues that are so important, and you do it with such eloquence it is incredible. Thank you for all of this. I have been through this all, yet it is hard to talk about because of the backlash. I have lipedema, which means even healthy, I am a fat person by American standards. But doing what my body needs mediates enormous pain and progression of the chronic pain and body dysfunction that I already have, and that will never go away.
Wonderful honesty. I also have such complex feelings about my size, health, fatness… and it seems like any opinion or preference offends *someone*. Thank you for the very relatable view into your experience.
Thank you for writing this. I feel like I could have written something extremely similar even though I'm in a very different body from yours - I love myself but not the sensation of my body with abdominal fat pressing skin against skin, my knees complaining when I try to do too much in a day, my barbell scraping against a protruding belly when I do a weightlifting workout. I get *exactly* where you're coming from on food being the replacement for other addictions and a source of short-term comfort and long-term pain. This is an essay that could have been about me, and I'm sure you're touching a lot of hearts by putting it out there.
I'm grateful for your photos, because I went through the thought process of looking at both the beauty and empathizing with how you look at yourself, the things you want to change... and it's really difficult to try to strike a balance between acceptance and a desire for self-improvement. I think you deserve validation for what you're doing for yourself, and progress photos are a way of finding that for some.
This wouldn't be an issue if you were doing something for yourself in another sphere, like furthering your education for instance - even though not everybody wants or needs more school, and education is a privilege that not everyone can access, and some people do it for the wrong reasons or stress themselves out by overloading themselves, there's not such a deep insecurity about making a choice to do so. We don't say "I'm getting another degree, you should too or else you're lazy/unfit/whatever judgemental word." We also don't say "stop posting about how your studies are going, you'll give people with a high school diploma anxiety." I'm not sure how far I can work the analogy, but maybe it resonates a bit with someone.
Really, I just want to thank you for this awesome essay and for sharing all of this with us - you've gotten me thinking about my own self-perceptions and internalized issues.
I can relate so much to this, in this moment of my life.
I feel the same - I want to love my body no matter what size and shape it is, but there are things I want to be able to do, and clothes I want to fit in. I believe that everyone should be valued as they are, but wanting change isn't necessarily bad! It often feels risky to say what you really think (even just for yourself) in some of those "accepting" spaces. Thank you for your courage to write what you wrote, and blessings to you as you recover your endurance and a less pain-filled body!
Yes yes Y-E-S! You have hit the nuanced nail right on the nose with this one. I have been wading through similar feelings around my weight as it affects my health & my motivations for wanting to lose some of it. Reality is a bigger body is more uncomfortable body for me. I have lifelong chronic joint issues and digestive problems as it is and these (already huge) boobs getting bigger and heavier and putting so much pressure on my guts is causing active pain and harm. I work hard to welcome and appreciate the beauty I see in myself, but I'm not gonna apologize to anyone for what I choose to do with my body. I also don't wanna hurt anyone or spread fatphobia. It's not like that. It's messy. Thank you so much for sharing so openly and vulnerably. It's good to know I'm not alone. You're not alone. Grateful for your words and thoughts and your courage to share them. That's no small feat. There is nuance here. And at the end of the day, dammit, it's your body it's your choice....mine, too.
very thoughtful…
I always appreciate how you speak from a place that feels right and true for you, which almost always is from that gray inbetween of nuance instead of polarized simplicity like so many others performatively speak from. Because it’s real and honest that it’s complex. Personally I don’t think it’s toxic to want to be healthy when you know you’re not. And no one but you can know because every body is different and there is no universal measurement of health. But I also don’t think there’s a human being out there who isn’t influenced just a little bit by vanity and outside images of what looks good, me included. But that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t pursue our own health. To me though because health is so personal I don’t see the need to share it in a public way outside of very close friends who I know won’t be triggered by it. But I also feel like if you are someone who wants to share it, that is your right as well, especially on your own platforms and accounts. They’ll always be unhealed people looking for any excuse to tear you down, but I hope it doesn’t stop you from doing what you know is right for you and sharing that experience if you want to.
As someone who recently put effort into being healthier by eating less sugar, and working on my posture that was very off, I don’t feel bad for losing weight and looking better as a result, but at the same time because I took a loving approach to achieving this health, those things are merely byproducts and what I appreciate the most about giving myself this gift of love is how my body hurts less, my stomach doesn’t feel a dull pain more often than not, I have more energy and stamina which makes walking around the block and dancing easier so that I can do it for longer without straining myself. So yeah it’s complicated, but feeling better in your body is a worthwhile thing to pursue and isn’t inherently good or bad. It all depends on how you go about it and for what reasons, but only you can know, and any outside input is projection at best.
Captured exactly how I feel! Your writing is such a pleasure to read. Whether it’s your powerful discussions about intersectionality, or your words in this post (and everything in between), I’m always thoroughly engaged.
Thanks for choosing to share so much of yourself through your words.
I love the nuance in your writing and outlook. I find your embrace the of both/ands of different topics to be so refreshing. Thank you for sharing.
So, people are now actually discouraging weightloss, saying you should be happy with the weight you are. That is kind of messed up. A waaay overreaction to the age of "you must be thin to be attractive."
One thing I learned at 25 when I was finally able to lose 20 pounds and keep it off... I needed to love myself. Not the excess fat, but the me under it all. My overeating came from selfloathing and created a vicious cycle.
I've lost weight in the same way, two more times in the course of my life. And I know I can do it. The confidence that brings! I now truly have a choise. I can say, I want this soft body now because I'm comfortable with it. Or I can decide that its time to curb down the fat and start a new phase of my life. At 50, I radically changed my diet to one with very little processed sugar or gluten. Oh the joy of seeing the stubborn fat melt away and be able to wear the clothes I wore at 25😆 It gave me the will to start a simple exercise regimen, and give myself other goals like flexibility.
Working to sculpt yourself into the image you have of the inner you is a way to honor your body and stop abusing it to temporarily sooth your pain. But obviously it is important to love your body type as it is, whether it be short, tall, curvy or sinewy. There are things that cannot be changed, that make you unique. There are things you can choose to change, for your health, physical and mental.
Go for it! I for one am looking forward to the pics!You can do this💪💪💪
It saddens me that people are policing your feelings. You’re sharing from your lived experience. Keep telling your truth
Reading this, I felt like you were speaking my truth, in addition to your own. I, too, struggle with my weight, feeling positive about my body, and fielding comments from others about my feelings about my weight and my body.
Self worth and self love is so complex, and dealing with outside influences just adds to the confusion.
Do I think you're beautiful? Absolutely!! Do I also completely understand what you're saying here? 💯 You have to be comfortable in your own skin, and at the level of health you need to be. No one else gets to decide that for you.
This is everything I feel. My body isn't healthy, and it's not happy. I have health issues I didn't have before. It struggles when it didn't before. Yes, I want to look in the mirror and be comfortable with myself looking back at me. Yes, I want to walk up the stairs and not be out of breath. I don't hate myself or my body, and I also want better for myself and my body. And that's okay. Thank you for sharing this.