Welcome to Fidgets and Fries. Somewhat free. Somewhat not. If you’d like to honor my writings with a monetary contribution, thank you. If you already have, thank you. Your support allows me to invest in my writing in a way I hadn’t thought possible as well as pay for my son’s communication lessons. And if you are still an unpaid subscriber, thank you. Cause in a world where everyone wants their eyes on their work, you still chose to put your gaze on mine. This newsletter rests at the intersection of the unserious ramblings of a woman full of buttered rice and dad jokes and the somewhat sophisticated stories and essays of someone who knows just enough “smart” words to sound super intelligent and insightful.
I have been fat and thin many times. But the feeling of being FAT stayed no matter what I appeared. Fat is all I ever noticed about my body.
My body, particularly it's fat, has taken a lot of abuse.
Abuse by the people who brought me into this world and didn't approve of the vessel I came in. It was the lesser form of female, too tall, inadequately feminine, not round or flat in the "right" ways.
But despite their negative opinions my body has never let me down. It delivered the people that only my body could have created. It delivered stamina and resilience when I was sure no more could be found. It fed and nourished my intelligence and sensitivity.
My fat piled on before my growth spurts and during high stress, while my peers stayed slim. It came back with abundance during pregnancy and through the nursing. I was never a pretty new mom. But you wouldn't know this. There is no evidence. Because I never let them take my picture. I didn't want to be reminded of all the times my doctors and others warned me about my weight gain.
I add pounds quickly and never in the manner others expect. It took too long to learn this is just how I am supposed to work. That my fat was there when it was needed. It helped me create amazing people. The first of which was me. But it wasn't until I created several others, much later, that I learned to reframe it's value in beautiful way.
Now my only regret is I didn't have better doctors and wasn't born to a kinder family of origin.
Now I am thankful my fatness turned my focus away from me and showed me how to love others in ways I never received.
Fat is a word that represents so much more than the three letters in it. Fat should have an I or a me in the middle because then it would better represent fat for what it is. It is the insulation and reserves nature swaddles me in to help me through life's journey.
But FAT has an A in the middle. An A that represents A society that sees it as made for others. Which allows them to freely share their reactions to what is just the outside.
Fat would be fit if I had my way. Fit because it expands to fit multiple people and care for all of them. Fit because it fits the story of so many, not just mine. Fit because it the fitness that I am supposed to be. Fit because it fits me, it always has and always will.
I have been fat and thin many times. But the feeling of being FAT stayed no matter what I appeared. Fat is all I ever noticed about my body.
My body, particularly it's fat, has taken a lot of abuse.
Abuse by the people who brought me into this world and didn't approve of the vessel I came in. It was the lesser form of female, too tall, inadequately feminine, not round or flat in the "right" ways.
But despite their negative opinions my body has never let me down. It delivered the people that only my body could have created. It delivered stamina and resilience when I was sure no more could be found. It fed and nourished my intelligence and sensitivity.
My fat piled on before my growth spurts and during high stress, while my peers stayed slim. It came back with abundance during pregnancy and through the nursing. I was never a pretty new mom. But you wouldn't know this. There is no evidence. Because I never let them take my picture. I didn't want to be reminded of all the times my doctors and others warned me about my weight gain.
I add pounds quickly and never in the manner others expect. It took too long to learn this is just how I am supposed to work. That my fat was there when it was needed. It helped me create amazing people. The first of which was me. But it wasn't until I created several others, much later, that I learned to reframe it's value in beautiful way.
Now my only regret is I didn't have better doctors and wasn't born to a kinder family of origin.
Now I am thankful my fatness turned my focus away from me and showed me how to love others in ways I never received.
Fat is a word that represents so much more than the three letters in it. Fat should have an I or a me in the middle because then it would better represent fat for what it is. It is the insulation and reserves nature swaddles me in to help me through life's journey.
But FAT has an A in the middle. An A that represents A society that sees it as made for others. Which allows them to freely share their reactions to what is just the outside.
Fat would be fit if I had my way. Fit because it expands to fit multiple people and care for all of them. Fit because it fits the story of so many, not just mine. Fit because it the fitness that I am supposed to be. Fit because it fits me, it always has and always will.
Thank you for sharing. I loved your piece.