I really, really appreciate these thoughts. Thank you for sharing them. I feel similar sorts of wonderings but haven’t found a way to write them, and I’m glad you are, even as they are still taking shape.
I feel a back and forth between knowing that there’s something about me that makes certain social/communication things way harder than they are (or seem to be) for “most others”, and that reading Autistic accounts of experience helped me realize I wasn’t the only one. But I also find that when I share my own, I get many Autistic folks coming back saying “what are you talking about, no that’s not an Autistic thing that’s just you” for some of those same traits, and I see Autistic people being harmful in ways I had associated with allistic/NT behavior. And on the flip side, I see these graphics and things you reference saying “this is ND behavior!” and it’s things so many presumed-NTs do. It doesn’t parse out well for me at all. I admit, I’m confused. Not about who I am or how I operate, but about how any of these labels actually work when we zoom in on the people they are applied to (myself included).
I hope this conversation continues. I don’t know where it needs to go, but I want it to keep going. Thank you.
I agree and like that you are discussing this. We are fluid as humans. I do not have the same presentations I had as a child. Even Dr. Devon Price speaks about parents who maybe aren’t “autistic enough” to qualify for a diagnosis, but have autistic children. And I believe they are often the ones who say “we are all a little autistic.” I said it before I was diagnosed. Furthermore, there are people who cross over in experiences. My son’s friend is a 9-year-old girl. She says she is a “little autistic” because she has sensory processing disorder and other things. Of course, I sit here and think, she is autistic... but that's not appropriate for me, and not my place. And in “love and light” towns like Santa Fe, where I live, practitioners hesitate to give kids “labels” like autism... so they say SPD.
Autistic people don't know how to talk about autism or how it is separated from co-occurring neurobiological differences. I often wonder if there are more neurodivergent people than neurolotypical, though the specific neurobiological classifications (ie. Autistic, ADHD, dyslexic, apraxic) would not form a majority. But do we collectively? And then do our overlaps and similarities make us feel like “we are all a little” this or that.
I wouldn't agree with the concept that we are all a little autistic, but I don’t get angry when people I know say it (and say it because they too are in fact different). But I will say something like, “We aren’t. But the human brain is a spectrum and humanity encompasses it all. This is why the Neurodiversity Movement is important and why autism isn’t that atypical.” We are all on the spectrum. The spectrum of human biodiversity. And it’s a beautiful thing.
But, that beauty is erased, admonished, and demolished… and that’s what I want to fight like hell against.
It resonated with me when you said NT people can just break themselves up easier than Neurodivergent people but we are all harmed and we all mask to survive. For my autistic self I tried breaking myself apart and it nearly physically killed me, I just could not keep it up without willing death upon myself for the misery it caused me. But my family members seem to more easily be able to break themselves apart to fit in. Sure there are prices that they pay but they don’t seem to be haunted by them and they are still alive and seem satisfied with their life. Maybe Autism is the inability to delude yourself into thinking you’re happy when you’re not. That seems like the main difference to me.
I thoroughly believe that NT isn’t real. There is no typical. Humans are extremely complex and our brains are even more so complex. I highly doubt there is any neurotype that is largely the majority. And I think why is considered NT is actually a separate group that got clumped into one. Like ND has Autism, ADHD, OCD, DID, etc.. NT has various subtypes as well. No real evidence of any sorts to support it.. more so gut feelings from what I observe. Either way even this “NT” society isn’t even designed for those people either. It’s harmful for them as well. But as you said.. it is easier for them to break down to survive it.
Thanks for that meander through your thoughts - it was a familiar path to some of my own.
yeah, i just decided that i wanted to give life to the thoughts i have rather than attempt to starve them.
I really, really appreciate these thoughts. Thank you for sharing them. I feel similar sorts of wonderings but haven’t found a way to write them, and I’m glad you are, even as they are still taking shape.
I feel a back and forth between knowing that there’s something about me that makes certain social/communication things way harder than they are (or seem to be) for “most others”, and that reading Autistic accounts of experience helped me realize I wasn’t the only one. But I also find that when I share my own, I get many Autistic folks coming back saying “what are you talking about, no that’s not an Autistic thing that’s just you” for some of those same traits, and I see Autistic people being harmful in ways I had associated with allistic/NT behavior. And on the flip side, I see these graphics and things you reference saying “this is ND behavior!” and it’s things so many presumed-NTs do. It doesn’t parse out well for me at all. I admit, I’m confused. Not about who I am or how I operate, but about how any of these labels actually work when we zoom in on the people they are applied to (myself included).
I hope this conversation continues. I don’t know where it needs to go, but I want it to keep going. Thank you.
I agree and like that you are discussing this. We are fluid as humans. I do not have the same presentations I had as a child. Even Dr. Devon Price speaks about parents who maybe aren’t “autistic enough” to qualify for a diagnosis, but have autistic children. And I believe they are often the ones who say “we are all a little autistic.” I said it before I was diagnosed. Furthermore, there are people who cross over in experiences. My son’s friend is a 9-year-old girl. She says she is a “little autistic” because she has sensory processing disorder and other things. Of course, I sit here and think, she is autistic... but that's not appropriate for me, and not my place. And in “love and light” towns like Santa Fe, where I live, practitioners hesitate to give kids “labels” like autism... so they say SPD.
Autistic people don't know how to talk about autism or how it is separated from co-occurring neurobiological differences. I often wonder if there are more neurodivergent people than neurolotypical, though the specific neurobiological classifications (ie. Autistic, ADHD, dyslexic, apraxic) would not form a majority. But do we collectively? And then do our overlaps and similarities make us feel like “we are all a little” this or that.
I wouldn't agree with the concept that we are all a little autistic, but I don’t get angry when people I know say it (and say it because they too are in fact different). But I will say something like, “We aren’t. But the human brain is a spectrum and humanity encompasses it all. This is why the Neurodiversity Movement is important and why autism isn’t that atypical.” We are all on the spectrum. The spectrum of human biodiversity. And it’s a beautiful thing.
But, that beauty is erased, admonished, and demolished… and that’s what I want to fight like hell against.
It resonated with me when you said NT people can just break themselves up easier than Neurodivergent people but we are all harmed and we all mask to survive. For my autistic self I tried breaking myself apart and it nearly physically killed me, I just could not keep it up without willing death upon myself for the misery it caused me. But my family members seem to more easily be able to break themselves apart to fit in. Sure there are prices that they pay but they don’t seem to be haunted by them and they are still alive and seem satisfied with their life. Maybe Autism is the inability to delude yourself into thinking you’re happy when you’re not. That seems like the main difference to me.
I thoroughly believe that NT isn’t real. There is no typical. Humans are extremely complex and our brains are even more so complex. I highly doubt there is any neurotype that is largely the majority. And I think why is considered NT is actually a separate group that got clumped into one. Like ND has Autism, ADHD, OCD, DID, etc.. NT has various subtypes as well. No real evidence of any sorts to support it.. more so gut feelings from what I observe. Either way even this “NT” society isn’t even designed for those people either. It’s harmful for them as well. But as you said.. it is easier for them to break down to survive it.