Farked up my social media break about 4 days in.

On the struggle and hitting the reset button.

Photo by George Pagan III on Unsplash

Welcome to Fidgets and Fries. Somewhat free. Somewhat not. If you’d like to honor my writings with a monetary contribution, thank you. If you already have, thank you. Your support allows me to invest in my writing in a way I hadn’t thought possible as well as pay for my son’s communication lessons. And if you are still an unpaid subscriber, thank you. Cause in a world where everyone wants their eyes on their work, you still chose to put your gaze on mine. This newsletter rests at the intersection of the unserious ramblings of a woman full of buttered rice and dad jokes and the somewhat sophisticated stories and essays of someone who knows just enough “smart” words to sound super intelligent and insightful.

What will today’s newsletter be? Hmm…

They tell you that social media can be toxic and increase anxiety and depression. I have definitely noticed the toxicity of social media, but as a person who is riddled with anxiety as well as depression, I honestly couldn’t tell you if it was made worse by social media. 

I will tell you that I do consider it to be an addiction like many others feel it to be. For me. I can’t speak for no one else, but I was waking up checking the socials, glasses wasn’t even on yet. I am just squinting at the screen checking notifications and messages, scrolling through timelines to make sure I didn’t miss anything. 

It was tragic. 

But what was even more pathetic (for me) was the time I was missing with my children. As someone with the bulk of their work being online and maintaining some sort of social media presence, I was often on my socials. Which meant I would often have my phone in my hand, answering messages and comments. I was on that damn phone for hours trying to create new content and come up with ideas for new ways to say old things I felt were important enough to share more than once. 

And when I would look up from my phone I would see my kids. Aidan would often try to grab my phone from my hand. Jojo would act like it didn’t bother him that I was always “working” but it did. What would also get to me was I would just be standing around, patting myself down cause I was checking for the car keys which I lost again, and Aidan would just go and bring me my phone. He would do that at other times of the day too, he would just hand me my phone. One minute he is trying to take the phone away from me and others he is trying to give it to me. 

And in both instances, they mean something and in both I feel like absolute shit. He isn’t making me feel this way, he is illuminating how much of that phone has taken over my life. 

Broke my heart. So, I announced a social media break. Another one. The past ones weren’t all that successful. I was still working. However, I was determined to make this one work. It was going to be for the entire month of October. 

Was. 

I messed up. I deleted the apps. I was doing good for the first few days. I told my closest pals on my socials I was going on break and they could reach me on WhatsApp. This worked well for a few days. Then I needed to get an email address from a DM on Instagram.

I could check on a browser. And while it isn’t as user friendly as the app, I was all over that damn site. I wouldn’t answer anyone, no comments, but I was scrolling. I was enjoying some content, I was hating others. I was getting sucked in. Then I went to Facebook on the browser. Same thing. I was lost in it. 

It wasn’t as much scrolling as I would have done if not on “break” but it was enough to notice the shift in my mood. And that is when it hit me, this shit does affect how I feel. 

I have some goals I am trying to crush this month. They will be met. And I am going to document how this month went. Since my ass fucked up, I must restart this month. 

Starting today. I will report back to social media on November 7th. 

I have a manager who is posting for me and I have to utilize her more. That’s what she is here for. I can’t be completely gone as this is my work and I have to promote a book still, but she is there to help me and I need to let her do just that. 

Alright check the parameters of this “proper social media break”

Deleted the apps. 

Got rid of the browsers that held facebook and instagram. I also logged out and I think that will help me cause I fucking hate logging back into things. This is how some of my bills don’t get paid on time cause I really don’t be having time to log in. Okay, I have the time, I just don’t have the patience. (This is a post for another day, lawd)

I am gonna track my screen usage on my iPhone both now and when I come back.

I will document how I am feeling and what I did over the time I truly gone from there. 

Okay, wish ya girl luck!

See those you who follow me on my socials in a month!