Tiffy's Bad Movie Reviews

where the movies aren't necessarily bad, but the reviews are

Welcome to Tiffy’s Bad Movie Reviews, where the movies aren’t necessarily bad, but the reviews are. 

Let’s get to it, shall we? 

Today’s Movie: The Mist

Starring a pretty unremarkable cast and some ok-ish CGI for a film made in 2007 but then you realize Transformers (the first one), Spiderman (the third one), and Beowulf all came out that year and you kinda wanna bump their CGI rating down a notch or two…but everwhat. 

The film is based on a Stephen King novel (or novella, I can never remember), so one could imagine there will be copious amounts of death and a lead actor who you wonder why they got the lead. I’m sorry, even if the actor acts well in other films, I don’t think they ever cast properly for Stephen King movies. 

Let’s move on. There will be spoilers, y’all, I don’t even know why I am telling y’all this. 

This movie is dark and gloomy. Like the whole film is gray. I thought something was wrong with my picture quality, I adjusted my settings a few times. Nope, movie is just…gray. Everybody look ashy, even the white folks. And that’s actually quite an accomplishment. 

In the mountains/woods/whatever there is this town. Lots of trees, some lakes, type of place people go to vacation and the locals hate them for it. That kind of place. 

One of the first things I notice are the vehicles are older. I’m confused cause this movie came out in 2007, right? They are in cars that were decades older. I had to do a Google, y’all, cause this is one of the few things by King I had not yet read. So the book took place in the 80s. 

Those cars make sense now. 

Lack of sun and ashy white folk, do not. Ain’t no sun in the Ozark and them white folks look moisturized. Sorry, I am not letting that one go. 

Of course there’s like one Black dude. I figured he was either going to die first or disappear. Stay tuned to find out what happened to my skinfolk. 

This film follows a painter and his son and those he interacts with throughout the film. A storm hit the town the night prior prompting a visit to the store the following day. The family noticed a mist on the lake, noted it wasn’t a normal mist, but dismissed it. They took the lone Black fella in this movie to the store because his car was crushed. 

Most of the film takes place in that grocery store where everyone is trapped by some Mist they later learn is full of creatures from another world that the military is responsible for. This film had post-apocalyptic vibes with a sci-fi flare. And in true post-apocalyptic fashion them folks in that store were trapped and acted out. 

Fighting, breaking into little groups, the obligatory church cult leader, and feeding folks to the Mist. 

Lemme tell you where this movie had me farked up at. 

One, Black guy just went into the Mist with a small group and only one who came back was halved by something. Called the disappearance though. 

Two, a short haired woman left her young child at home to care for her even younger child and took her behind into the Mist to go home while telling everyone they was going to hell cause they didn’t help her. 

Three, that cult leading church lady with that damn voice was gonna singlehandedly make me cancel Netflix. 

Four, she was eventually taken out in a manner she deserved, a bullet to the dome by a dude named Ollie. She seriously looked like someone who would be taken out by a bullet from a dude named Ollie. 

Five, and this is where it gets real messed up, Painter guy, his son and some others make a run for it in his truck. They get a good ways out but then end up stranded. They are trapped and nowhere to go. Painter dad has four bullets and five people in the vehicle, including himself and his son. Instead of being eaten by the creatures, he decides to shoot everyone and then kill himself by letting the creature take him. 

He kills everyone, including his son. Then hops his non-acting ass out the vehicle to be taken by the creatures and you know what the hell happens? 

No? 

Let me tell you…the damn military shows up. To save them. Two minutes later!!!!

Y’all that mans was sick!

He was done for!

Oh, this number six gonna do y’all in…the short haired woman who went into the Mist to get her children that she left at the house by themselves…her behind was in the back of a military truck, safe, with BOTH her children. 

Then the damn movie ended. 

Y’all. 

Y’ALL. 

If y’all wanna watch a movie based on a King novel, post-apocalyptic, sci-fi with a lead actor who can’t act and an ending that will have you cussing for about 6 days afterwards, this is your movie.   

Overall: 7 out of 10 fries.

Movie Title: The Mist (2007)

Where to watch: Netflix