The Hammond Files

Stories from the past week

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Life gets really hectic over here. I don’t know how we make it from day to day. But somehow, we come out of the week unscathed. This is a rundown of how the Hammonds do life.

Definitely do not treat as a “how to guide,” we ain’t good role models.

Let’s get to it, shall we?

Sh*t we tried…

Tiktok.

This one was all me.

As it gets closer to the release of my first book, they want me to talk more. And by “they” I mean, my audience, press, etc. I am no talker. Like I don’t like it, though I will do it. Doesn’t mean I am comfortable with doing so. At the end of whatever it is I was on, my mouth is dry, my jaw hurts, and my brain is fried.

So, not cool. And I wonder if it is even worth it.

They say it is.

Who is this “they” though and what do they know?

Bleh.

Anywho, I have ventured in the world of Tiktok. Trying to tap into an audience there, cause apparently “Booktok is where it’s happening.” What the eff ever. It is so video driven over there. I don’t know if I can survive it. I put a few videos up there. I am drowning there. The whole app is confusing as hell. But I did manage to get one video up yesterday. I was quite proud of myself. Nothing fancy, just me looking raggedy in the camera talking about my book and that people should buy it.

Took me like 49 takes and a blinding ring light to accomplish this 37 second video that only got me 12 likes as of this writing.

I am going to put a little more effort into the TT this month and if I don’t see any progress or understand it a little more, I’m gonna leave it where I found it.

Win Meter: to be determined.

DoorDash.

Damn Jojo.

My mama had been stayed with us for about a week and this was during a week in which I had meeting after meeting. So, she taught Jojo how to use the DoorDash app to order food.

At first this felt like a great idea.

Still is, but lawd we need some boundaries. Some rules. Something!

I had a couple meetings this week and this child decided that he didn’t want nor like the food that was in the kitchen and that his brother “deserved better” (3,2,1…1,2,3…what the heck is bothering me? wooooosaaaah *breath out*).

My lovely second born with my face ordered DoorDash…from four different places. Subway for himself. Wendy’s for his brother. A Korean corndog place because “he wanted to try it out.” And Burger King because he forgot to order drinks.

All that food and he only got me a small Fanta Orange.

Ugh.

By day three we needed to sit Jojo down for an intervention.

Cause just like my money; he was getting out of pocket.

Happy to report he has been DoorDash free for the past 72 hours.

Win Meter: not a win at all in the beginning but strong finish. Will hold out on being a win for about a month.

Spaghetti-O’s.

Aidan ain’t had these canned sauce noodles since he was like 18 months old. He used to love them and then he was lost his appetite for them around the time he lost the three words he ever spoke. Wouldn’t say these were related though.

Everwhat, he ate them again. Shocked the hell out of me.

But the one with meatballs. The boy got standards. And there has to be some piece of meat mixed in with every bite or he ain’t eating it. So, he got me in there cutting up already too small meatballs so he can have a better meat to noodle ratio.

Win Meter: for him, win. for me, win but would be a mega win if I wasn’t in there getting my Bobby Flay on slicing canned meatballs.

Anything for your kids, right? Yeah…

Smoked BBQ Beef Ribs.

Hammy wanted to get his smoke on. On the grill that is. He hadn’t done it since we moved in, and it was time. We never had beef ribs, so he felt it was time to give it a try.

Never again, though.

While flavorful and tender, they contained a lot of fat, lot less meat. Guess that is understandable for an animal that size for there to be tons of fat around their ribs. But pigs big and they ain’t carrying that much fat around their ribs.

Perhaps we will just blame this on our cut of beef ribs. And Hammy’s lack of skill.

When it comes to taste, we preferred pork to beef ribs.

At least we know why on many of the BBQ shows and championships they don’t really do beef ribs.

Win Meter: It’s a “no” for me Dawg.

Getting a Literary Agent.

This one is all me, again.

I felt it was time to start looking. I think this first book of mine is gonna be a success that I can ride to other deals. Better deals. And I want to look out for self and have someone look out for me too.

I was cold emailing agents left and right and just as I decided to give up, I saw, who is now my current agent, tagged in an Instagram post. I said, “why the hell not?” And I found out her email and sent a message. I won’t bore you with the details of the email but about a week later, I heard back.

And she wanted to work with me! She reviewed my work, my sites, my audience, etc.

So, we about to shake some things up in Book World.

Red Lobster Brussels Sprouts.

I shared in a Facebook post how addicted I am to their Brussels Sprouts, but I just couldn’t keep buying them like that. I would be no better than Jojo with DoorDash. I decided to try to make my own.

I found a copycat recipe, well, several, and I just winged it really based on a couple of recipes, but I used one as the base of my playing the f*ck around with it.

This had to be the ugliest dish of food I had ever made but it was sooo good.

This is the recipe I used as the foundation: Copycat Red Lobster Brussels Sprouts Recipe (mashed.com)

I did make my own crispy fried onions. I tossed the sliced onions in some mustard, coated them in flour, then deep fried them to oblivion (not on purpose, but oh wells).

I also over fried my Brussels in the air fryer, which in my defense I only used that Ninja Foodi like twice and didn’t know it was that damn powerful and seriously cooked things that darn fast. All my other air fryers took twice as long.

But, while ugly as hell, it was sooooo good. I will make it again.

Just not a burnt version of it.

My Brussels Sprouts

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That is just some of the sh*t we tried this week. Overall, the Hammonds had a decent week. I will share more later, stay tuned.