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It’s after midnight, now Thursday. I started writing this chaotic newsletter at 11:55pm on a Wednesday. I realized about an hour prior that my therapist texted me around 10am about the session I rescheduled yesterday…for today. I missed that one. I was doing a phone interview about my book. I have been doing a lot of interviews and podcasts lately. And late at night ones too.
Honestly I am pretty sure I responded back to her…in my head. Shit. These last few weeks have been a blur…like how is it already the 12th?
Why the feck am I still up? Like, what the fark?
See what I did there? I’m trying out some new words that can be generalized into other spaces so I can still sound somewhat professional as I try to sell the Littles, a picture book. Surely, their parent wouldn’t want to purchase a book from an Author who drops the “f” bomb every third word?
Ugh. And that is where I am at as well, feeling as though I need to censor myself in order to market myself. I mean, come onnnnn. Yes, there will be many who will say, “just be yourself…you shouldn’t change for no one…”
True. This is all true. And yet, we are judged in the spaces on a regular. I am literally this person who is slowly turning into a brand and I don’t appreciate the feeling. I want to help those like myself, humans like my children, and leave my mark on this world.
But I want to be me whilst I do it.
Knowing this…I still bend within myself and dance around certain things and mute certain parts of myself and share things in a way that I didn’t necessarily want to. I still been sharing the hard stuff as evidenced by this recent post:
See that there? That’s “old” Tiffy right there.
And here comes new Tiffy wondering if I should have posted that because I am in the home stretch of the tee up to my book release and I have some opportunities to promote my book that I don’t want to “ruin.”
But part of me is like, “I literally built myself up in these spaces and I ain’t muting myself for no damn body.”
Balance, baby. I ain’t figured it out.
Annnnnd moving on.
Like I said, this newsletter will be chaotic af. Hang in there, the ride will even out. Or it won’t. I really don’t know where this is heading. (this part should have been before the amazing transitional statement of “Annnnnd moving on.” But I like to live on the edge after midnight on a Thursday).
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