Side Dishes
Reliving the moments of week's past, what I'm currently snackin' (lovin') on, and other random gems.
This is a free read up until a certain point. But don’t worry, you’ll get copious amounts of all things Tiffy…up until a certain point. Let’s give a short rundown of how things will flow here: an offering of what went on this past week, what will happen (or what I hope will happen) in the upcoming week, a collection of my finest recommendations, and a short essay or story, photos taken during the week that bring me joy or make me laugh my ass off. The last two will be shared exclusively with paid subscribers. Should you wish to honor my work in that way, $5/month gets you access. Please know that you can share excerpts of this post or the whole of this newsletter with others. In fact, I encourage you to do so. Sharing is caring. And a form of currency in these innanet streets.
Listen, ya girl has depth. I am talkin’ layers upon layers upon layers, y’all. Ain’t no way I was gonna have a space as freeing as this one and NOT talk about all the things that make me your best thing. So, pop culture, fashion, food, my favorite recommendations on a variety of life stuff, and a whole lot more.
Welcome to the buffet of Tiffy.
Let’s get after it, shall we?
What ya girl got into this week (well, past few weeks):
1. Apparently a lot of “fights” with people I either don’t know, don’t care to know, and wished never crossed my orbit in the first place.
That’s what I got into. Damn innanet squabbles with strangers behind the scenes. One long ass “goodbye email” from a supposed “fan” (well, “ex-fan”) who completely decided that they would just say “fuck reading comprehension, who needs it anyway” and accuse me of something never said nor intimated within a post that had absolutely nothing to do with me other than I was tagged as being a guest on a podcast. They ranted about how much I disappointed them (did I mention that I don’t know this damn person?). Went on and on about how they appreciated my work and supported me…up until that point (still didn’t know what the hell I did wrong). And then ended it all with “if you only want Black people in your space you need to just say that!!!”
Why don’t they just leave out the back quietly? Why must it be this…THING?
What else? Oh, yeah…someone gave me my first incredibly harsh review of my book with two short words, “hate speech.” And decided that it was incredibly important for me to know their social media handle because that is what they signed their review with. They could have left their government name and I would not have known who this person was. I appreciate the gift they gave me with their social handle so that I could block them. Never read the reviews, they say.
Lesson learned. This person couldn’t have read this book cause there’s not a lick of hate speech in there. I am aware of those who do not like me. No, I mean have an irrational hate for me.
What can ya do?
Oh, I know…keep shinin’ on ‘em…and don’t read the reviews.
Uh, the ghost of the cyber whipping (completely warranted as I don’t take t6 kindly to those who come for children, especially not mine) I gave another creator months ago has tried to come back and haunt me. Apparently, this person has been giving others a hard time and they still talk copious amounts of shit about me. I blocked them. Out of sight, out of mind right? But how far do they stay out of mind if they have “fans” in my space trying to bait me out?
Messages, emails, and stalking my personal page. Hot ass mess. My ignore game was a bit weak in the beginning, but for the most part held strong. I blocked and moved on. Hopefully their asses do as well.
People don’t like me. I get it. There’s a lot of people I don’t like. I don’t really make it a thing to go out my way to announce it to the world and do what I can to tear them down. There’s room for us all, even if I don’t like them. Those I find harmful af should be addressed but I consider all the consequences of doing so. I have only called out three creators in all my time being an online personality and it was more hell than it was worth. I mean, they were all situations in which I came out where I would have liked to, but my mental and emotional energy was shot.
But these latest string of people not liking me, that’s rooted in some straight up shit. They don’t like me cause I don’t hold onto preferences as if they made up the whole of my existence. I don’t want to be defined wholly by my Autism. I am the sum of my parts, not part of my sum. And I share about that.
Apparently that is threatening to their work. They feel as though I should concern myself with their discomfort. That is something I am unwilling to do.
And they don’t just not like me. The things they write and say about me is rooted in the deepest pits of anti-Blackness. You ain’t gotta like me, but they don’t know how to be not racist when expressing that they don’t.
I’m gonna continue to shine. I don’t have a lot of time for much these days, so I really can’t put my energy here.
2. Started a Street Team for ADWNW.
I thought it would be an amazing idea to create a Street Team for “A Day with No Words.” And it was. We are a small group of 100+ members and they have provided some amazing support and ideas to get this book into the hands of as many people as we can. I am a first time author with no name recognition outside of the Autism community and this is a book that I wrote with more than just this community in mind.
Community has always been central to my work. It is something that I have longed for, something that I didn’t find when I first came online. Everything I do in my work is community minded. Everything I did with this book, was community minded. If this book is going to be successful, it will be because of community. I’m not a celebrity or some large social media account with hundreds of thousands of followers who whenever they drop a book it shoots to the top of a bestsellers list.
I am me. A small account (compared to the juggernauts who are putting out books) governed by a Black Autistic woman living in the south and raising Black teenage boys who carry the same diagnosis. Social justice movements barely clock disability. Not even the Black social justice advocates. Even the ones who hold disabilities of their own don’t spend much time talking about it (nothing wrong with that). Point I am making is, I will be successful in this because I have a strong community. I have sold more than many authors who have followings twice my size. I am performing well. And I am not doing well because I wanted to tap into media for marketing. I wasn’t out seeking guest articles in large publications (that, I will do at some point, however). I was relying on community.
And they have not let me down. They have shared, purchased, and created so many amazing things to help me get this book out there.
This Street Team is an extension of that community.
3. Created and launched a website for my book.
This one was a monumental milestone for me. I didn’t know what I was doing but I researched and taught myself how to make a website for me book. I felt it was important to have a professional look and feel to this book. I wanted people to know I meant business with it. I also wanted to share more than just preorder information with it. It needed to serve as a vessel to understanding this book deeply and the characters (us). I wanted the visitor to connect further with us, which is why I included a blog section (which I need to add more to) and a section where you can write notes to Aidan. There’s a page on there where one can request a free copy of the book or purchase one for another. Jojo created a fundraiser, which I will talk about in more detail soon, and that is on there. It’s an amazing site. And it does what it was supposed to do, drive sales, so there is a preorder section on there with several locations one can purchase the book.
4. Finally moved into a rental home.
If you have been following the drama that unfolded with property management at our last place then you would know that it was time for us to get out of there. And we did. It took some time, it was painful, and a lot of tears were shed but we got out.
We couldn’t be happier. The commute is longer for my husband but everything else makes up for it. It’s single family home, close to my family and his, there are a lot of things to do and resources, and our kids are free to be themselves. Home should be a safe place and for us, we hadn’t had that in many years.
This is a place I hope we stay until we are ready to purchase our own home. Thank you to all those within our community that made this a reality for us. Without you, we wouldn’t have been able to do this.
Things that moved my spirit.
1. Jojo creating a superhero shirt of Aidan to raise money for our “free book fund.”
Jojo is the best brother ever. He drew Aidan as an adult superhero with a letterboard in his chest to raise money so that we could purchase copies of ADWNW for those who are financially unable to do so. I helped him to put them onto a shirt for a Bonfire campaign and so many have purchased his amazing shirt and we have been able to buy this book for dozens of people so far. If you would like to check out his shirt and purchase one for yourself, you can do so here.
If you do not want a shirt but want to donate to help fund the purchase of book for someone else, my friends at Neuroclastic created a fund for you to do just that. They are a nonprofit so your donations are tax deductible. You can learn more about donating here.
2. Crossed 1000 subscribers here.
The last “Side Dishes” I shared I was looking at 964 souls in this space. Now, we are at 1100 subscribers! I am trying to hit that 1200 mark by April so, if you know anyone who could benefit from some weekly posts from yours truly delivered straight to their inbox (or on the app), share my newsletter with them. I am happy to provide free and paid subs here. That is what makes this place pretty awesome.
3. Ordering my book at Barnes and Noble.
I have been waiting to order my book because I didn’t know how much longer I would be staying at my last residence. It was so unsafe there, plus my husband’s job moves him so much that I didn’t know if I could order it yet. Not until I felt I had a more stable living situation. So, I was just going to any bookstore in whatever town we visited and ordering a copy for someone else. Or asking that they carry my book in their stores.
I have a stable home right now! So I marched my behind into the Barnes and Noble in town, yes, they actually have one! I preordered my book and I was able to have it come to their store instead of coming to my house. I felt like it was more symbolic to pick it up in a bookstore. And I will buy one in whatever book store I see it in. The moment when the person preordering it for me recognized that I was not only the author but that they also recognized me was INCREDIBLE.
Mama, I made it.
4. A bookstore out of Chicago created my first display for ADWNW in their shop.
I almost fell the fuck out when I saw this display y’all. It literally knocked the wind out of me. I wasn’t expecting it. I hadn’t known anything of it. It was a complete shock and surprise. And I loved every second of it. It was the best thing I had seen in some time. And they are pairing it with a deal to sweeten the pot. For every preorder they get through their shop, they are going to donate a copy to Chicago Public Schools.
Y’all, I ugly cried into my root beer. This was incredible and amazing and huge shoutout to Three Avenues Bookshop. Y’all support them if you can.
5. Fidgets and Fries is an official business.
This one I am exceptionally proud of. For now, it’s just a sole proprietorship, but soon I will launch to an LLC, and one day, a nonprofit. I registered with the State of Texas, got my Tax ID, and a business account. I am legit now, folks. My work will center on consulting, mentoring, educating, creating resources, and giving back to the community. I will continue to do partnerships with brands and speaking engagements. I am excited to step out in this way, but also nervous as hell. I am a business, y’all!
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