Life Things
The Monday Post.
Welcome to Fidgets and Fries. Somewhat free. Somewhat not. If you’d like to honor my writings with a monetary contribution, thank you. If you already have, thank you. Your support allows me to invest in my writing in a way I hadn’t thought possible as well as pay for my son’s communication lessons. And if you are still an unpaid subscriber, thank you. Cause in a world where everyone wants their eyes on their work, you still chose to put your gaze on mine. This newsletter rests at the intersection of the unserious ramblings of a woman full of buttered rice and dad jokes and the somewhat sophisticated stories and essays of someone who knows just enough “smart” words to sound super intelligent and insightful.
What will today’s newsletter be? Hmm
…
I’m sitting at this wobbly ass dining table (see above for the table in question) staring at this blinking cursor daring me to write something. I told myself I would write posts in advance. I told myself that I would put them out on a consistent basis and I would interact with the lovely spaces here.
I be tellin’ myself a lot of shit.
But here I am, late is better than never.
The Monday Post, peeps, peepettes, and those of you who are neither and those of you who are both.
“Oh, shit” moment of the week brought to you by…human teenagers (as if there were another kind of teenager, but everwhat).
I am raising two children diagnosed with Autism. I am Autistic myself. I have spent my entire life looking through a lens of disability and parenting from one. Every behavior, every action, moment, sound, expression, etc. must be dissected and interpreted. There must be a plan for the plan. A contingency for the contingency. Running through the day shouting, “what does all of this mean?!” It has to mean something! Ain’t no way in hell he is doing this for no reason. All damn day. All damn night.
Because we are often in fight mode. We are often advocate mode. We have been fighting for so much and for so long that it becomes part of us. We know no other way. Because if we know what they need, we can get them what they require. Our children have diagnoses that make it difficult for them to interact with this world. They move in ways others find jarring. They struggle to inform the world of their wants, needs, desires. This falls to me. I have to learn them, from all angles and all sides. This is how I know what it is they require. This is how I fight for them.
And because I am always looking for the meaning behind something, I am often missing what is obvious.
These some regular ass teenagers who do regular ass teenager shit.
And I ain’t ready for none of it.
One sleeping all damn day. The other up all damn night, we don’t know when that one sleeps. He wearing hoodies in 100 degrees, listening to music from some YBNs or USBs, I don’t know but all them teens listening to it. He be bouncing to Ice Spice. They eating me out of house and home. They don’t want real food they satisfied with snack packs and shit. I ask them to watch movies with me and they groan and be like, “nah.” One be putting they big ol’ foot up on everything. He got his foot up on my laptop right now as I type this. They drink the juice down to half an inch and put that shit back in the fridge. I got one who was like, “we gonna watch SWAT or what?”
My ass had put it on Mario Brothers.
I am messing around here but there truly are some behaviors that my boys do that are just signs that they are teenage boys and they are growing up. They are wanting to be more independent, they are expressing themselves in new ways, they are finding new interests, their goals have changed. and they are figuring out this world for themselves.
Occasionally one of them will still hold my hand from time to time.
It’s a pity hand hold, but I will take it.
The other is like, “I ain’t got time for that. We got any more of them Doritos.”
So, to my fellow parents raising Autistic chirren, they do be acting like the rest of these Earth kids. Brace yourselves.
On finding a house…
As I get older, I realize more and more that I want to buy a house less and less. Even finding a stock photo for this newsletter was soooooo BLAH.
Barriers aside. We are capable of purchasing one. It’s just that I don’t think I want one.
The more I sit back and watch older folk let go of their homes for carefree existences in communities with others like them, or traveling the world, living out of suitcases, or renting homes in foreign countries they now call home, the more I think about “is there a point to this?”
Home always felt like it lived wherever I was and with the ppl I loved the most. A house always felt like somewhere I lived.
Stability is something I always worry about but wholeheartedly believe it can be found in rentals as well.
Many tend to treat homes like investments, this means to a quick and “easy” return…but is it always quick, easy, and fruitful? I don’t know. Depends on who you ask.
Kinda feel as though I can make a good savings and retirement fund without the home. And from my research on this to determine if something was wrong with me because I didn’t want to own a home, I learned that roughly 35 percent do not own homes and many of them actively choose not to, including an increasing number of millionaires.
One can be financially stable, even rich, without owning a home. I don’t know that I will be rich but it would be nice. However, I just want to not work so hard for my needs and have the room for my wants.
I need stronger and sturdier savings for my kids. A hella padded 401K for myself and Hammy, as well as some kick ass investment accounts.
These kids of mine, in the future, can decide if they want to buy their own home with the money their parents leave them.
When I sat down the other day, just out of the blue I was like, “I don’t know that I want a home, not one that I purchase.” And then I felt like something was really wrong with me.
But why? Why did I feel as though I were flawed?
Probably because owning a home is perceived to be as American as apple pie and candy corn. You are supposed to go to school, get a good job, start a family, buy a home.
That’s the measure of success for us. And I don’t like that. Can I be a successful being without the mortgage? I think so.
Y’all, I am really putting a lot of thought into this. Like I got so many tabs open on my computer and notes written down in scribble scratch. The idea of home ownership is less appealing to me as I age. Even as I told my manager Anna that I want to buy a house, I didn’t believe it fully. Like it was something I was supposed to say and feel.
Now, just because I don’t want to buy a home, doesn’t mean my husband feels the same way. Luckily for me, what keeps us from making such a large decision is that his job moves him all over the place often so there’s no roots we set down. This works in my favor…for now. One day, it won’t.
And will we have to make a decision.
What about y’all? Let me know how y’all feel about home ownership. Is it necessary?
Chili Season
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it’s coming y’all. And I am here for it. I love the fuck out of some chili. Turkey chili, deer chili, veggie chili, chicken chili, all the damn chili. And I tolerate a lot when it comes to this spicy bowl of yum, but what I won’t stand for is y’all calling chili WITH beans, Texas Chili.
Texas chili ain’t got no beans. I ain’t sayin’ chili with beans ain’t good. Have to put that out there cause too many don’t accept complete sentences. “Texas chili ain’t got no beans.” That’s it. And many in the past be like, “what you got against beans?” “Beans are to stretch the dish.” “Some ppl can’t afford to eat just a pot of meat.”
Lawd. So, like I said, all chili is good chili to me. Even chili with beans. It just ain’t Texas chili. And true Texas chili is made with chunks of chuck roast. But hell, I ain’t making that one all the time, even with a pressure cooker. Sometimes, you want that quick and easy that ground beef provides. And that is me.
I couldn’t wait for the fall season so I made some chili last night, sans the beans. I am Texan. So, it was Texas Chili, LOL.
SOMEONE CALL NETFLIX AND TELL THEM TO GIVE ME A COMEDY SPECIAL. I don't even need the whole hour. I only know three jokes. And y’all just read one of them.
You can make chili so many different ways and I love to hear all about what others do to their chili. You got any special ingredients? Or some unique ones? Let me know what they are.
I use cinnamon, the canned adobo peppers (mostly a little of the juice and MAYBE a pepper or two), some brown sugar, and cocoa powder in mine.
Chili, cookie, and pie season. I am about to be in culinary heaven y’all.
Exercise in Growth
I came online during a time when I was incredibly angry. I was angry with my community. I was angry with the policies and mindsets that kept our family down. I was angry with Autism. I was just angry. And I shared every bit of that anger in these spaces. I didn't care who I burned. I didn’t care who was scorched in the process. I had a story to tell and damnit, y’all was gonna hear me no matter what.
This didn’t serve me well in the long-term. Though an audience was built and thought they understood my emotion and passion, it was exhausting to be in that headspace at all times. Always arguing. Always trying to convince someone of your existence and your life.
And for what purpose?
They would believe what they were going to believe.
I told myself I didn’t need to let go of the anger. Anger isn’t a useless emotion. It was fuel for me. It allowed me to not be hurt by those who knew any other way to be but someone who hurts. Someone who dismisses the pain of others in favor of themselves.
As I grew in size and popularity on social media and outside of it, I learned that I will soon grow too big to respond to each and every single person who attempts to shame me or lie on me. I will become too big to respond in a way that I would like.
That is a sacrifice I have to make. And I did. It’s hard but I do it every single day. There’s always someone who will say something. There’s always someone who will try to bring me down. I deliberately choose to allow them to carry the lies on their tongues. I allow them to throw dirt on my name. And this isn’t to say there won’t be a day when I speak up. There will be. This is inevitable that I will have to go toe to to with someone. But I am exercising every bit of control that I have at the moment and choosing not to.
I have too much to use.
And many have thought me weak for not saying anything. But I value the strength in this decision. Because I know me. And I know that I don’t let up. I don’t lose. I don’t quit. I would keep going until some part of me felt as though they were destroyed enough they couldn’t rebuild.
That person is still housed within me. My choosing to be this way is for my benefit not theirs. I don’t like the person I am when I allow someone to take me outside of the person I know myself to be, the person I am working towards becoming.
I share this to say that people are always going to talk. You can’t control them mouths but you can control your response.
Movie and Show recommendations?
Holy pivot, Batman!
Yeah, you can’t expect me to stay all in the sunken place for too long. So, hit me with your movie and show recommendations. I am running out of things to watch in my limited down time.
Guess I will go watch a couple more episodes of SWAT. Speaking of, we are only on season 1, and I don’t know jackshit about SWAT, but when they start interviewing and investigating the crimes? I thought they was just muscle? I am aware that they are probably exaggerating their roles for the show cause it is less interesting to see a show about SWAT and all it is them kicking the doors in and we don't know why they kicking that particular door in.
Okay, I am out for good now.
We bought a house but we are stuck here for the foreseeable future. What about an RV?
I totally understand not wanting to buy a house. There are many things that you have to be responsible for as an owner that you aren't as a renter. Like everything in life, there are advantages and disadvantages to both. You do what is best for your family and everyone else can mind their own lives.
As for chili, my mom taught me to make it with beans, ground beef, and a handful of elbow macaroni, along with tomato juice and a little sugar. There's stuff I'm sure I'm missing, but I haven't made it in a long time.