I earned where I am at.

Periodt.

Photo by Nik on Unsplash

I don’t remember exactly when I made my FB page. It was my first dip into a world outside of sharing with family and friends, and in-person advocacy. I didn’t know what I wanted, and I didn’t know what I was doing. I created a blog site to accompany that FB page. I was going to do this!

And it was abysmal. 

I couldn’t figure out why I wasn’t reaching anyone. 

I wasn’t even the one who suggested I start a page! It was my friends. 

And even they didn’t follow me. 

Lawd. 

So, I had this website and this FB page that had no love. Really good content, but no love whatsoever. I wondered how blogs got traffic. I spent many hours researching and signing up for mailing lists that I am still part of today (and I’m a tad bit lazy to unsubscribe). Ultimately, I felt like I wasn’t going to be one of those ones who started a blog with no built-in audience, and I abandoned that site. 

Eventually, I abandoned that first page as well. I didn’t know what I was doing, and I wanted it to be an extension of my real-life work, not replace it. 

And then, something happened that rocked me to my core, and I was so angry and hurt and disappointed in the lack of support I received from those who I gave my all to help. I wrote in my journal until my fingers cramped. I cried onto the pages until the ink smudged and I could no longer read the words. 

I would write them again. 

And again. 

I don’t know what made me do it, but I started another FB page. It was for parenting. For my kids. I felt as though I wanted to focus on them more than myself. And what happened to us, really happened to them and I needed a place to park all the feelings I had. 

I shared stories, but mostly I shared just as those who put out things I cannot relate to. I was trying to find a way to draw an audience and fit in. It was detrimental to my mental health, and it made no sense to me, because none of it was relevant to our life. Like, this is not our autism. 

One day I shared something that put me onto a ban list. And then another. And soon I was run over with a bunch of angry people I never interacted with and didn’t actually understand what I did that was wrong. It was my friends versus these strangers. I was labeled an unfit parent. I was told my children needed to be taken from me. Someone made a fake profile and claimed that I had STDs, cheated on my husband, and was a prostitute…then tagged me in those posts. 

It was an awful time and I still feel guilty for my family and friends having to stick up for me in the way that they did. 

I left FB. But I still felt so much anger. Now, it was aimed at those who came for me on FB. I knew a lot of their vitriol was steeped in racism. It was the same thing I dealt with in real life. The same reason I came online in the first place. I told myself I needed to distance myself from the noise. Get my family and friends to back down. No one was going to shut me up nor down. 

I flew into IG angry and driven. Every bit of storm I had brewing in me I put into those slides. I shared more stories there. Far more. I wanted people to understand where I was coming from. I stopped being pieces of myself. 

I wasn’t just a parent. I was an Autistic parent. 

I wasn’t just an Autistic parent to children with the same diagnosis. 

I was a Black Autistic parent raising Black sons with the same diagnosis. 

That matters to our experience. 

And I was going to shove that in everyone’s face. 

That is what I did.

Something changed from my time on FB to my time on IG. When I made it to IG I didn’t care who was listening. I was writing for me. I need to purge those thoughts. They needed to get out. 

I was tired of seeing people dismiss the impact race had on our lives. Every story I had brought them closer to understanding what we were going through. I looked for others who shared the same way. There weren’t many. It was either/or. Either they talked about disability and not race. Or they were a social justice advocate who talked about race and not disability. 

I wanted to talk about the intersections. 

And I did. 

Still caught hell for it. 

Still didn’t care. 

The ban list tried to follow me to IG. 

This time, I was like bring that mess on. 

I put my everything into IG. I put everything into those stories I shared. All I needed to do was reach one. And many would follow. 

I reached that one. Or three actually. They shared my work. 

And eventually one of them stole my work. 

But the time that they spent actually supporting me brought an audience I didn’t think I would have. 

I continued on.

I talked my shit. 

I took no shit. 

I stood on business. 

Wasn’t no one with the privilege to deny my struggles gonna tell me I ain’t got none to begin with. 

Nah. 

I created a community of thought leaders. 

I grew slower than most that came after me. 

I found my pocket. I ain’t changin for no one. 

So, I grow at a rate that is just right for me. 

I don’t create easily digestible content. 

Or I don’t try to. 

Our lives shouldn’t go down easy. 

Swallow whole. 

Get every bite. 

You might choke. 

You’ll be alright. 

I don’t break myself apart to belong. 

I will forever not like videos or making them. 

But I will try. 

And if it causes me to produce content that will chop my messaging too much. 

It has to go. 

Short and cute content on social media is part of the problem with misinformation and shallow advocacy. 

I want no part of that. 

I know that the people in my orbit are here because they want to be. 

Or they feel they need to be. 

They know they often getting a novel with me. 

And they are okay with it. 

I had to be okay with that first. 

To go from sharing content that looked like everyone else, to sharing what I felt was best for me…was a challenge. I didn’t think anyone would read it. 

They do. 

I just had to find the ones that would. 

I have gone through so much in my real life. 

And so much in my online advocacy. 

I am still in awe that I kept going after everything. 

In those moments I doubt my strength, I think about where I was to where I am. And all that it took to get here. 

I am amazing. 

I have to know that I am. 

In this past year, just being myself, sharing how I want, and challenging people with my stories I have: 

• Written a #1 NYT bestseller and #8 Publishers Weekly bestseller

• Won a few awards for this same debut book

• Crossed 64K on IG and 35K on FB

• Been on national news

• Been featured in national publications

• Toured the country, and will tour even more

• Worked with some pretty big companies this year

• Got my first brand new washer and dryer from working with one of those big companies

• Charged upwards of 2K for appearances (that ppl honor)

• Worked with Mattel on Monster High

• Did way too many presentations to count, consulting too

This year has been amazing for me advocacy and business wise. 

But 2024 is gonna be bananas. 

I earned where I am at.