Autonomy matters even if you don't agree with the choice
In a world where we don't have much control, we need to allow each other to exercise as much control as possible.
My children aren’t given the luxury of being children. They “aged out of cute” long ago. There’s no benefit of doubt extended to them. There’s very little grace. They should “know better” and “do better” long before they reach adulthood. And this is an attitude that will be forced upon them long after they hit age 18.
Armed with this knowledge, coupled with my own experiences and watching them go through their own, I have chosen to center my advocacy around specific issues and prioritized which are most important to us. In other words, what I find important, what I choose to fight for, and any preferences I might hold are based upon lived experiences, how I present myself to this world, and what this world perceives me to be.
This community often talks out of both sides of its mouth, meaning it will often give contradictory opinions and/or advice in different situations depending on who the intended audience is.
-This community will claim to be okay with many of its members choosing to identify themselves as, but then tell those outside of it that we all prefer something else.
-This community will preach autonomy but not fully understand that this includes acknowledgement and respect for decisions made that do not align with their own.
-This community will talk about being more inclusive and intersectional and yet continue to govern its advocacy through a lens that perpetuates whiteness and privilege.
There’s more, but for the purposes of this piece I will focus on the above three.
Choice, preference, priority, autonomy. All so very important to me. All permeate throughout my work. All of which influence what I do here.
When I state that I do not prioritize symbology, colors, identifiers, or carry banners designating my “side” within this community, I meant that. I have no desire to break myself into camps. That is energy I do not wish to expend in this way. My experiences and that of my children’s dictates that I have so many other things to focus on that require a lot of energy, mentally, emotionally, physically… However, my stating this does not indicate a lack of care nor awareness for symbols, colors, identifiers, etc. It simply means that while I understand and acknowledge one’s preference for such things and wanting to inject this into their advocacy, I place it low on my list of priorities. When I state that I can’t focus on puzzle pieces, and I don’t…this doesn’t mean I don’t understand the meaning behind them. It means that fighting for proper symbology hasn’t kept my sons from having guns pulled on them by law enforcement.
My priorities are different. And talks of identifiers, symbols, colors, etc. dominate conversations here. It can take over entire threads. And people will spend hours putting energy into proving their side is right, and that’s hours that could have been put into groupthinking some ideas on how to address the shortage of care workers in many states. Or reducing Medicaid waiver lists. Or providing better workplace accommodations and securing better pay for individuals with disabilities…
Keep reading with a 7-day free trial
Subscribe to Fidgets and Fries to keep reading this post and get 7 days of free access to the full post archives.